Why Some Friendships Fade and Others Last
How many friends can you think of that aren't a part of your life anymore? I bet you can think of a good amount without much effort. I'm also sure you'll add to that list in the upcoming years.
The reality is, we make some friendships over the course of our lifetime that we don't retain forever. There are many reasons for this, but it's important to realize that its just a normal part of life.
We make new friends all the time. Some of the friendships we make are, by nature, temporary. Other friendships are a bit longer lasting. We also have a select amount of friendships that last for many years or even a lifetime. These the the best ones!
We make friends at our jobs, in school, during a training class or a party, and when we move to a new neighborhood. We make friends at various social events and even through other friends. Some of these friendships don't last because of a variety of reasons including:
1- The situation that brought you together does not exist any more- People move from one neighborhood to the other and many times lose touch. School ends or the training class ends and people move on. Sometimes the friends don't see each other as much anymore and the friendship gradually comes to an end. Perhaps, the things you had in common that created and cultivated the friendship, don't exist anymore. These are called Situational Friends.
2- Insecurities/ Jealousy/ Disagreements- When one of the friends is more confident than the other or seems to be happier or joyful than the other, insecurities and jealousy can destroy the friendship. This can happen with or without a disagreement occurring. During my lifetime, I've had many friendships turn sour because a former friend of mine showed jealousy over time and insecurities. I found that we can't force people to be friends with us, nor should we want to. True relationships are not forced, do not have jealousies and insecurities and are mutually satisfying. So, let those friends go and move on to more true friendships.
3- Laziness- Friendships require reciprocation and nurturing. When the relationship becomes one-sided, or you're the only one being present and showing an interest, its time to let that friend go. Try to concentrate more on the friendships where there's a natural cycle of mutuality without having to do all of the work yourself. Relationships should be "give and take" and one party should not have to always be the giver.
4- Differences in Values- Sometimes over time we realize that our values turn out to be different than those of some friends. At the beginning, both parties may be all caught up in the newness of the friendship. We don't want to see the yellow and glaring red flags because everything is new and exciting. Over time, as the newness wears off, we start paying attention more to the flags and become disenchanted with the friendship. This can sometimes relate to ones core values about how we think friends should treat each other. If you find this to be true, reassess your friendship and either lower your expectations about the friendship or eliminate it entirely.
As we experience life we gain more insight on people and relationships. We grow and form friendships while learning more about ourselves and what we value about life. We also gain a better understanding of who we want in our lives. So think about your long lasting friends you have in your life and cherish them. With them, you have a deeper foundation than you have with a situational friend. Your values match and your souls have connected on a deeper more spiritual level. Those are the friends that truly enhance your life and, in return, you enhance theirs.